how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
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We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
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I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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