Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
