He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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