I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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