Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
