Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
