I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
