Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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