Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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