Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Are my feet made of real feet?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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