i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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