the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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