shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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