listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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