just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
