I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so let's talk penis.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
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cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
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I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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