Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's rum buckets o'clock
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
