please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
