Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha