thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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