so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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