fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
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Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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