so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
