Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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