You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just blew my weed a kiss
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
