Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
