We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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