I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
