now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
