worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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