I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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