I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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