i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
