So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
