I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
