More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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