Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
