Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
