party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
