Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
