Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
