So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
