she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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