Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
