"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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