I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
