I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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