Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
