Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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