I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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