Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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