we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
