I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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