I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
