I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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